Spam
I love you Spam
You are the only packaged processed meat that I love
I eat you like a starving man in the middle of a feast
I eat your slimy covering
Hell, I even lick the can clean
I love you spam
But, why did you give me Herpes???
I eat you one time and now I have herpes all over my mouth
Damn you spam
Damn the spam
Damn the man...
© 1998 Tyler Sheldon
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How I became A Teenage Alocohilc Anti-Christ
I am a teenage alcoholic Anti-Christ
I was made this way because someone doesn't like me
I thought someone liked me
But she was fake
A hired cronie that was supposed to love me until I loved her
Then she was supposed to go away and leave me a broken man
But I figured it out before it all happened
But not before I got hurt
So now I drink myself to sleep
And call myself the Anti-Christ
© 1998 Tyler Sheldon
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True Story That I Just Made Up
Yeah, I was sitting here at my computer
And this guy kicked down my door, he said he worked for the KGB
He said that I was going to be castrated for crimes agianst mother Russia
I thought he was being pretty stereotypical
So I told him to go home and learn to talk like someone that wasn't in a James Bond movie.
© 1998 Tyler Sheldon
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Writing Poems is Hard
Damn you people that make me write poems
I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, will you pay the medical bills for my poems?
Of course you won't
So stop asking for me to think up poems and e-mail them to you
My wrists are now bleeding, I hope you are happy
All this typing is making them bleed
Also, please ignore the fact that I slit them open with a rusty kitchen knife.
© 1998 Tyler Sheldon
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